When I was 7, my dad got a job overseas, in a country I had never even heard of. I had to leave behind my childhood and move to a town where I didn’t speak the language. It was tough starting school. It was a small school with only about 60 students. Soon after I settled in I began to love this new place. I loved all my classmates and they all loved me!!
When I turned 13 my parents told me the news. I was moving back home. I didn’t want to leave!! This place was my new home. I didn’t want to go!
It’s hard living as a transgender person in a world where harassers roam free. But I live as myself, regardless of everyone else’s standards.
I am Alex. I am into video games and card games and the usual thing for a nerdy, 16-year-old boy. But on top of that, I am transgender. I was born with this female body. But in mind and emotion, I am fully male. I don’t see it as that big of a deal, but unfortunately others do.
Being trans in high school has to be one of the toughest things because on top of academic responsibility, your social life needs to be looked over. I believe this goes for everyone. But it’s exceptionally hard to deal with when people can’t just accept you for who you are. According to society, abnormal just isn’t right, and though I don’t do anything to purposefully make anyone upset with me, I am still dealing with a lot of harassment. My other trans friends say that’s why they didn’t come out in high school.
Why is it that we have to grow up, lose our innocence? What happened to the Peter Pan notion…Neverland…Wendy…
Oh well, looking in retrospect I guess that life would HAVE to be a predetermined path that we all take, because there is no way in hell that after the shit I went through in school, that self-harm (SH) was just a coincidence.
Well ok from the start…
What was it that lead you to SH? Was it a build up process? Or did you just one day, snap…and hence were changed forever? I don’t remember what was said, I don’t know who said it…but I know I lost it. I had heard stuff and read stuff about people having committed suicide (mainly because of the inclusion of Silverchair lyrics at the inquest of the death of a teenage boy) and…I dunno, life just seemed so worthless and…well, not pointless exactly, just I wasn’t getting anything out of my existence as a whole.
What I can tell you is, the voices in my head - the screaming echoes - ‘No one wants you here’.
I found myself self-harming in order to try to purify myself (the same crazy thoughts used by “doctors” during the black plague) of these retched beast children in my head. It was a long tough struggle, and you know…I almost lost it…