While walking down the halls of school to my classes, I would constantly hear people saying rude things about me, like I was a ‘cutter’ or that I dressed weird.
For years and years, this beat down on my self-confidence. Even when I was with a group of friends, I felt horrible. I spent a lot of classes crying silently or running out of the room. I felt best when I was at my house, without all the drama. Then, one day I had to stay home from school I felt so happy that day. I didn’t have anyone or anything to deal with. I wanted everyday to be like this, but I couldn’t think of a way to stop going to school, except for killing myself, so I overdosed on drugs.
The college transition is tough for a lot of people, moving away from home, meeting new people, taking harder classes. I had a tougher time than most. I was always shy and kind of reserved, which held me back once I began college. I also didn’t get along with my roommates very well. They both had personalities incredibly different from mine, and I would often feel like an outsider.
I started to get kind of down on myself. I felt worse and worse every day. I came up with excuses not to hang out with friends, slacked a little on my school work and started losing a lot of weight. I planned on telling my parents when I went home for Christmas break, but I was afraid of what they would think, so it never happened.
At only 19, I have been through a lot in my life and have dealt with so many issues. Even though I’m not perfect now, I have found ways to help me deal and have overcome everything that I have been through. When I was younger, I was never really accepted by anyone, school, family, anything. I just have always felt as though I didn’t belong.
To add to the sense of not belonging, my parents split up. For about a year after that, my cousin was sexually abusing/raping me. I never felt connected enough to my parents or family to tell anyone, fearing that they wouldn’t believe me. Therefore, I kept all of this pain inside making me feel as though I was messed up, dealing with depression, anger, bitterness and hurt. I was always looking for happiness and a way out of the dark hole I was in. I started hurting myself because I just felt a sadness that would never go away. I was never liked by anyone, so I tried changing my physical appearance, by becoming prettier and “acceptable.”
When I was 7, my dad got a job overseas, in a country I had never even heard of. I had to leave behind my childhood and move to a town where I didn’t speak the language. It was tough starting school. It was a small school with only about 60 students. Soon after I settled in I began to love this new place. I loved all my classmates and they all loved me!!
When I turned 13 my parents told me the news. I was moving back home. I didn’t want to leave!! This place was my new home. I didn’t want to go!
Hindsight is a mean creature. Imagine the lives that could be saved, if we knew today what we will find out tomorrow. Suicide stole a friend of mine. As cliché as it sounds...suicide really did steal a piece of everyone who knew him that day.
I'm 20, and I'm sitting at a friend's funeral. I didn't think this was coming for another 50 years. Ten days earlier, we'd been chatting away, making plans to catch up. The next day, he took his life. He didn't seem himself the weekend before he did it. I knew he wasn't happy and we were worried. I asked him if he was going to "do something silly" but he said he "was fine," so I assumed he was. I spoke to him the next day and he said he was great, and we organized to go to a football game the next week.
It’s hard living as a transgender person in a world where harassers roam free. But I live as myself, regardless of everyone else’s standards.
I am Alex. I am into video games and card games and the usual thing for a nerdy, 16-year-old boy. But on top of that, I am transgender. I was born with this female body. But in mind and emotion, I am fully male. I don’t see it as that big of a deal, but unfortunately others do.
Being trans in high school has to be one of the toughest things because on top of academic responsibility, your social life needs to be looked over. I believe this goes for everyone. But it’s exceptionally hard to deal with when people can’t just accept you for who you are. According to society, abnormal just isn’t right, and though I don’t do anything to purposefully make anyone upset with me, I am still dealing with a lot of harassment. My other trans friends say that’s why they didn’t come out in high school.